Six Seconds of Sound

I believe I have taken the wrong approach in communicating why capitalism is a disturbingly flawed economic system that rewards the worst qualities of human attitudes and behavior. See, I have been thinking that theory, analysis, and historical evidence would be most effective in illuminating how dangerous capitalism is. 

I was wrong. I discovered I was wrong yesterday. How? I discovered that there is a thing called a "ringback tone" on cell phones. I had no idea. Apparently the same tone had been emanating from my phone to the ears of anyone who called me over the past four years dating back to the time I bought this phone. It was a six second clip of Vivaldi. So I decided I would try to change this "ringback tone" -- what a stupid fucking name -- and discovered that I would have to pay $1.99 for six seconds of sound. $1.99. Six seconds of sound.

I don't think any more evidence is necessary to debunk capitalism's legitimacy as a viable and responsible and ethical and humane economic system than discovering that six seconds of sound costs 2 bucks. I thought this might be absurd so I looked at the most recently published dictionary I could find and the definition for absurdity was, sure enough, "2 dollars for six seconds of sound." 33.3 cents per second of sound, turns out, is the mathematical ratio for the "absolute vacuousness of a society's economics."

However, given that I live in this culture of absurd vacuousness, I chose to participate in it by purchasing a "ringback tone." I didn't want to be the last person of substance in a culture that values meaninglessness above all else! No wonder I had felt so alienated! I feel a little less human now, which is to say "more aligned with society's values." 

I also realized I now have ample evidence to predict the future of music. Musicians will likely eschew ridiculously "long" 3 minute songs to pump out six-second "masterpieces." And why would anyone go to a live concert any more? It would be like going to the mall when you could just shop at Amazon online in the numbing comfort of your own home. No, we'll all just sit alone listening to our six second ring tones and "ringback tones." Who wants to drive 20 minutes to a venue, park, buy a $50 ticket, stand next to a crowd of people you don't know, listen to ten songs in a minute, and then leave because the show is over? $50 bucks for a minute of music when you can get the same 10 six-second songs for 20 bucks and listen to them endlessly at home? Come on. This is the capitalist digital age, no one wants to experience anything "live" any more! Why bother with originals when you can have facsimiles?!

So, if six-second sounds for $2 is a reasonable phenomenon in our culture then why is cocaine illegal? I mean, if we're responsible enough as economically liberated people to be able to discern whether or not $2 for six seconds of sound does or does not have value then surely we're responsible enough to know whether a gram of cocaine is worth 80 bucks or not. It's a bizarre inconsistency because I'm fairly certain that believing that six seconds of sound is worth 2 dollars is more harmful to the brain than snorting a very small amount of white powder that provides an extraordinary amount of pleasure for much longer than six seconds. If we're going to be vacuous capitalist hedonists then let's be vacuous capitalist hedonists, damnit!!! Actually, now that I think about it, if six seconds worth of sound is anyone's idea of pleasure then I'm not sure the threshold of hedonism has been reached. I'm not even sure if it climbs to the threshold of "meh."