The more Midge ate chocolate the more her mother cried. The more Midge’s mother cried the more Midge’s father beat Midge’s mother. The more Midge’s father beat Midge’s mother the more the neighbor woman flirted with Midge’s father. The more the neighbor woman flirted with Midge’s father the more the garbage man fondled himself. The more the garbage man fondled himself the less the squirrels gathered nuts. Why this should be so was a question the leading scientists and philosophers of the day asked themselves. It was not universally agreed that the sequence of events that began with Midge’s chocolate eating led to the squirrels gathering fewer nuts, but there were no alternate explanations.
This caused distress to most peoples in the northern hemisphere. However, the peoples living in the southern hemisphere were mostly untroubled by the phenomenon. This peculiarity led Johanna to remain in her closet for days hoping the trouble would pass. She occupied her time trying on different pairs of shoes. Johanna’s activities were understood, decades later, as the beginning of moral epistemology. That this should be so led logicians and analytical thinkers to an early grave while liberating those with a predilection for irrationality from the confines of ordered thought.
Human civilization ended not long after and baboons took over the globe to build a new civilization that looked very much like human civilization to which it was said by alien species that there has never been intelligent life on earth, though there were arguments between alien species about intelligent life in the oceans, namely whales and dolphins. They agreed that it had been a wise choice on their part to have remained in the oceans of the world as it seemed that living on land only led to economics. It was agreed that economics was evidence of particularly stupid species with very grim prospects for surviving compared to non-economic species which were all species except for humans and the newly economically-inclined baboons. Thus had history written off humans and baboons from the face of the earth to the delight of all other species, including those not from this planet. That was when the intergalactic party started.
