Anti-Affirmations

Affirmations for those with brains wired somewhat differently. Feel the peace, feel the love:

• Patience is something and so is hatred so stop trying to distinguish between them.
• If you stop caring about things it won't hurt so bad when nothing goes your way.
• You are always an inch away from happiness, but you keep stepping in the wrong direction. Try stepping in the right direction! What? You don't know which direction is right? I'm sorry, this saying is already too long as it is,
• If you believe in anything then you won't have to believe in something.
• Nothing seems to go right for you ... which is great if you believe in nothing.
• Tell people to shut their pie holes and you will feel empowered.
• Exercising dominance over others is a surefire way to feel better about yourself.
• Killing things that are beautiful will make you feel better about being ignored.
• If you can't change yourself then make others change for you.
• If you don't like the choices you've made then stop making choices.
• No one cares about you.
• If you die, no one will notice.
• Even the best things you do make everyone sick to their stomach.
• Stop trying. That's it, just stop.
• Don't expect anything good to happen to you for no reason because nothing ever will.
• Do you really believe that you matter? Please.
• You are much weaker than you think.
• Sure, you can be the best version of you. Fine. You still suck.
• Think positive and be positive and you'll be completely vacuous.
• Mistakes are proof that you don't know what the fuck you are doing.
• A hug is a great gift, but it can land you in prison if you don't do it right.
• Caring about what other people think will make you a prisoner of their thought. If you want to kill children then just do it!
• Be nice to people so that they don't suspect that you're the serial killer they've been hearing about in the news.
• Live in the moment so you can fully appreciate choking the life out of those you hate.
• Love is something that you will never experience so focus your attention elsewhere.
• Don't let your struggle become your identity; wear Batman costumes instead.
• Surround yourself with positive people ... it'll be easier to kill them that way.
• Never doubt your instincts; if the woman making your latte seems bitchy to you then act on your impulse to slam her head against the counter a few times. You will feel so much better.
• Never give up because sometimes it's the fortieth insult that makes a child cry.
• You know it was a good day if no one strangled you.
• Happiness can be found even in darkness as long as you have electricity. If you're poor and can't afford electricity then you'll never find happiness. The good news is you'll eventually die.
• Count your blessings, you obsessive compulsive bastard!
• If you don't feel good then get high.
• Your only mistake was listening to that bitch. Now kill her.
• Killing is the only reliable way to deal with difficult people.
• Pretend you live in a world where people care and you'll be severely disappointed by reality.
• How can you believe in all the bullshit people tell you? You're fucking doomed.
• You destroy everything you love. That's fucking awesome!
• If you don't love yourself no one else will; if you love yourself no one else will. You're fucked.
• Take all that anger and hatred and blow your ex-boyfriend's brains out. 
• Life is a gift from God; he loves you so much he wanted you to be aware that you're going to die some day and go to hell for eternity because you weren't completely perfect. God's love is deranged, but you chose to believe in him so it's your own damn fault.
• Stop saying "I wish" and start saying "I will" ... better yet, just burn down that fucking school already.
• Curl up into a ball and cry.
• Just give up