Monday, September 22, 2014

ISIL


Please welcome to the podium the one and only ... Loretta Beretta.

[applause]

Thank you, thank you for coming to this special conference in defense of ISIL. I want to talk to you today about the bad press we've been receiving in the news. I know some of you have been very upset, even hysterical, over the suggestions that ISIL is a terrorist organization. For decades we were oppressed for our sexual orientation and for years the International Society of Illiterate Lesbians has been ridiculed for our choice to refuse to learn how to read. But this new attack on us is by far the worst. We are now being accused of terrorism. This is a new low.

The accusations against us are baseless. Have we ever taken anyone hostage? No! Have we ever brutally beaten or killed others? Yes, but we've never made videotapes as the media suggests. I recognize not one member of our organization on any of the videos that have been released. I've been told by those reading [booing, hissing] newspapers that ISIL is a Muslim terrorist group and that the press is not assailing us. I, like most of you, have fallen for that trick before. Readers? I'm supposed to believe what readers have to say about us, about what happens in the world? Over my dead body! I can't figure out which is worse, readers or breeders? They both want to oppress us, but I've seen more and more breeders come around to respecting our lifestyles, our identities, our rights, and our dignity as human beings. Readers, though? They want to crush the illiterate! They have no compassion for us at all; they want to eradicate our lifestyle and take away our choices at all costs. I'll be damned if I'm going to be forced to read by a bunch of literate fascists!

I believe this new tactic being used in the media and championed by world leaders is designed to scare us into learning how to read. The hell with that! We won't be intimidated by news pundits portraying us as evildoers. We've heard that one before, haven't we? First they used religion to shame us then nasty epithets then textbooks ... now? Accusations of terrorism. I suppose we have weapons of mass destruction hidden in our vaginae! [laughter]

They say we are attempting to divide "our kind" into factions, but I have no hate for my literate lesbian sisters. If they want to read, that is their choice. As long as reading lesbians respect our right to be illiterate then we have no qualms. But this media assault, it is designed to create the very divisions they accuse us of creating. We know how sophisticated the techniques of those in power are. We have been victimized before by subtle insinuations, but not this time! I challenge each of you to proudly champion ISIL! Take to the streets, be loud and proud in your support of ISIL! How else can we change the thinking of the world unless we publicly embrace who we are: We are ISIL!

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