Living in the moment

You should live in the moment. Such as the moment in your prison cell when you're pinned down by several men who are taking turns raping you. Pay close attention to that rough hand squeezing the back of your neck and grinding your face into the concrete floor. Appreciate the excruciating pain in your rectum and the bodily fluids oozing down your inner thighs. Enjoy the kidney punches you receive whenever you complain or beg for mercy.

You are fucked. Not only are you being brutalized in prison (and you're only in prison because you got busted with a little over an ounce of pot on you--still a felony in many states) but self-help books are telling you that you're wasting your life thinking of the past, hoping for the future, or disappearing into fantasy. You should seize the day and make the most of your opportunities.

Yes, you've been trying to escape from the torture you are enduring. Yes, you've screamed for the guards. Yes, you tried to kick, punch, and head-butt the men who have destroyed your colon. Well, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Maybe whistle a little more while you're at it. You have to have a positive attitude if you want to create positive change. I mean, if you don't care about you, who will? Clearly, no one cares about you. At all. On any level. If anything, you are despised. Well, most are absolutely indifferent to your suffering, to your very existence.

So, really, it's up to you. You have to make the most of a bad situation. To do that you need to live in the moment. This is no time to make a complete break from reality. Life is too short to waste--although you may beg to differ. Are you really going to say goodbye to sanity forever now? You want to kill yourself, I know, but you can't because you're pinned down by rapists who are much stronger and more determined than you are. Hell, you're broken. You're a shell. You're all but gone.

I'm telling you, if you don't leap into the now right now then you'll be lost forever, never again able to be consciously present. Future rapes? It'll be as if it isn't happening. The screams from surrounding cells on nights when you're not being assaulted? You'll never hear them. Not the sounds as they are, not the contexts creating those wails. The sounds to you might seem like the cries of thousands of giant fruit bats with 30-foot wingspans, blood-red eyes the size of basketballs, and fangs like machetes descending from clouds of fire to rip your flesh from your body while magically keeping you alive for eternity and somehow increasing your capacity for feeling ever greater pain.

Do you want that? Do you want an eternal progression of incrementally increasing pain? Then you'd better live in the moment, motherfucker, because I want you to be aware of the fact that it isn't giant bats from the skies of hell making you feel the way you do. No. It's me, pal. I'm the one telling these fuckers to continue raping you. I'm the one who determines your fate because you are too weak to control your own destiny. I am your master. I am your GOD. You are my creation. You are my living property. I determine how you feel at every moment. This prison is my kingdom. You are not a prisoner of the United States of America. You are my prisoner. No one fucking cares what I do to you or how many times I do it to you. Live in the moment, motherfucker. I want you to be fully aware of everything that happens to you so I can savor your horror.